Hey everyone!
My name is Autumn and I blog at Sunflower Hill.
Over the years I have come to accept the fact that I am truly the everyday cliché you hear about women and how they can talk, talk, talk. I usually have an opinion or story of some sorts about anything you want to talk about. So, needless to say, when Tonya asked me to write a story about a time where I felt God’s love, I gladly accepted. That was an easy task.
I gave it some thought, and thought, and thought and then, in a blink, we were in October! I missed my deadline and found myself apologizing for not coming through. Apologizing more than once. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I have surely felt God’s love more times than I could probably account for, but all of a sudden, I was blank. Blank for almost a month. How does this happen? How can a woman who has a lot to say, suddenly have nothing to say?
And even bigger, this was happening in all aspects of my life. I was finding myself silent in the most unusual of places. It was a few weeks ago that I had one of the most important meetings of my career and I was worried I would bomb it. I feared I would get in and draw a blank. Go silent. I feared I would look like a complete idiot and all potential faith in me would be lost with my silence.
So, like we all do, I began praying that God would help me in that area. I asked him to give me the Holy Spirit and to just let it take me over. Let it work inside me and speak for me and pull God’s word from my heart and all the teachings he had given me flow.
This meeting actually took place in the field. It was a car ride and they were in the driver’s seat. Literally. We did our normal greetings, I got in the car and my husband jumped in the back seat. We started driving, had meaningless small talk and then it happened. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say, ask, or even sing at that point. I was blank. The thing is though, it was a peaceful “blank”. I can’t remember worrying about it. The ride was silent about 90% of the time, and the rest was small talk that most would consider meaningless. It was oddly silent but surprisingly perfect I’d later learn.
On the way home from the meeting I remembered talking to God and asking why it was he didn’t come through for me and if he did, to please let me know how because I couldn’t see it. I thanked him for not letting it be akward, but it just hadn’t gone as I had thought it would. I surely didn’t come from it feeling confident. I didn’t ask any questions, I didn’t answer any questions, I didn’t even leave anything about the capabilities of the project. It was what I would normally call unproductive and a waste of time.
About a week later, in another ordinary car ride, God revealed to me his works. He had given me exactly what I had asked for and I just hadn’t been able see it. He shut me up. On purpose. He took every thought I would have probably had and he removed them. Here I am asking God to just let the perfect words flow from my mouth and he’s laughing, getting the duct tape ready.
In the end, I received the call I was looking for. As God already knew, the meeting went perfectly and they had thoroughly enjoyed themselves that evening. It was a nice peaceful drive enjoying God’s country without all the corporate talk and that in itself was exactly what it should have been. And you know, ever since, I have come to embrace my new found silence. Isn’t he amazing? I love you God. And because of your never ending grace, I know you love me too.
