We knew our journey to parenthood would be early in our marriage. I was ready to have children far before I even met Cody so he really didn’t stand much of a chance. It was about six months after we got married that we decided it was time to start our family or attempt to start our family. I knew it would probably not happen the first time we tried, but was hopeful to say the least. A few months passed and we had yet to conceive.
I became discouraged that it wasn’t an immediate result even though the statistics were not in my favor. Several friends had started announcing their accidental pregnancies or their we tried once and succeeded stories. My heart grew very heavy from early on as I watched friend after friend get pregnant. I knew God’s timing was perfect but begged and pleaded with him to match up his timing with mine. As the months passed it only got harder. Those friends started having their babies & my longings only deepened. It was much harder knowing we started trying around the same time and here they were holding their baby while I was still struggling to conceive.
My doctor, a fertility specialist, stated that I could start fertility treatments as early as I wanted. Although I wasn’t deemed infertile until one year that she was willing. I decided to put my trust in God & not fertility treatments. We chose to wait the full year until we would start any kind of treatment and knew even then that as far as we would go was taking clomid. As the months continued to pass I began to think it was very possible that God had called us to adoption. We put ourselves on a waiting list at an adoption agency our friends used which would put us able to start the process around our two year anniversary. I had peace about everything, but of course still longed for a child of my own. Since we had started trying in April 2010 we had a prescription to start clomid in April.
I took the test and then let the dogs out. As I entered back in the restroom to take a shower I glanced over at the test bracing myself to see those awful words, “not pregnant” but the “not” was missing. I grabbed the stick and held it in my hands to make sure I was seeing things correctly and sure enough it read “pregnant”. I cracked open the door to find my husband still sound asleep in bed. I let out a soft “so….umm…we’re pregnant.”
He jumped out of bed and hugged me tight for a long while and then I hopped in the shower. I stood there in awe of my Savior, Jehovah Jireh, My Provider!! I stood there saying Jehovah Jireh over and over again and thanking him for this precious gift of life. I prayed over the baby and the pregnancy during my shower as I continued to praise Him in His faithfulness. Jehovah Jireh, you have provided!
Several people have asked if I jumped up and down or screamed in that moment, but I did not. I stood in awe of my Savior! I promised myself the day I found out I was pregnant that I would remember He is the reason and that He is to be praised. So I didn’t stand in that bathroom jumping up and down, but I stood there still in awe of his graciousness!
So here I sit today with this baby growing inside of me & I am constantly reminded of God’s love for me. The journey to get to this place was not easy and full of many tears, but God has been good to us. We will welcome sweet little Emily into our home just a couple weeks before Christmas. I know that our infertility journey was short compared to many, but that does not in any way take away the pain of that wait. My heart aches for those I’ve met that continue to go through the struggle, but I have to remember God is love and His story is perfect. Had our journey been one of adoption, God would have still been showing us love in a different way. I love that His timing and His ways are perfect, now if I could just remember that in difficult seasons.